Dust’s Diary Days 22 to 27

Days 22 and 23

Dear Sands,

Honestly, I should make myself write more. There is simply so much to catch up on… it’s been a bit of a busy few days let me tell you!

First, we visited the Witches… who were VERY nice to us to begin with and then not so nice after we discovered they had Blue’s friend (Chipper the Unicorn) locked in a shed and were draining his blood for their magical potions. Well, when I say ‘very nice’ I mean they were, like, ‘snuggling up’ nice. .. like Uncle Wisps with his ladies! Naturally, these nasty Withces needed to be stopped.

Anyway, two of the three vile creatures are dead now and the third ran like the wind. Or Plane Shifted like the clappers. We’ll never know if she was going to help Blue or not as Fribie chased her off before she could do anything (bad or good). To be perfectly honest I’m kind of pleased Fribie did something – if she’d done something bad I think we would have had problems. Oh and Blue became a copper dragon! It was awesome!

Figuring out how to cure Blue ourselves was fun! The stupid Witches didn’t have enough brass measuring cups to pour out the ingredients properly, didn’t write their recipe book in plain common, couldn’t remember their own spell incantation so had to sew it into their own tapestry and didn’t have any treasure worth keeping. The Rainbow Ruin (or something like that) was the name of the curse upon Blue. SO he drank the potion, did some epic rainbow ear farting and was cured. We cured Chipper while we were at it and then we all decided the BEST thing to do was go to a pub.

So we headed off towards the local elven town and after another night camping (I shudder to think what it’s gonna do to my beautiful spotted fur) we found a little house on the way. Deciding to creep closer to inspect though house (lets face it, everything else had been horrible here) I gave Norbie’s armour a make over – he’s got leaves placed between his armour plates and squeaky bits to dampen the sound. It was super fun! Didn’t help us creep up on the painters house though as everyone ELSE was rubbish at sneaking. Good thing the painter was friendly. Who painted people. And nude Fribie’s. At least the rest of us got a beer out of it! 

Later on we arrived at… wherever we currently are. We were warned these elves have a stick up their arses and like to follow rules: so me and Gabbie ignored this advise and raced to the top of the stairs. I LOST!!! So it’s a draw currently. Best of three I think Gabbie suggested – I agree. After the locals had finished giving us the weirdest looks, and admiring Norbies totally ‘in season’ leaves (they’re seasonal elves and change with the the seasons so their clothes are ‘in season’ too… get it?! Urgh, no-one laughed when I said that earlier either), we discovered that skinny dipping in the lake was only done where people can’t see (boring) and that the tavern was lacking in excitement.

We sorted THAT out!

Announcing ourselves as McMasons we put on a NINE HELLS of a show (ok, so it was all me, but the guys all joined in with the drinking and singing so they get credit for being cheerleaders, backing vocals and keeping my hydrated) and the tavern was soon filled to the brim! We got our drinks paid for and I made a little money on the side too: and shared it… as I said, group effort and I like my new friends. And Gabbie was super nice and healed the blisters on my fingers.

We’re just finishing off our drinks now and it looks like Gabbie is about to ask if there is anywhere to for us to stay the night. I’m knackered but I’m pleased we brought some good feelings to this pretty, leafy, elf town.



P.S. Norbie has requested ‘The Wizards Staff Has a Knob On The End’ and I think I should follow that up with ‘The Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All’….. please remind me of this!

 P.P.S. I hope the painter enjoyed the show through his portrait on the wall in the pub.


Day 24 and a few more… 27?!

Dear Sands,

Ok. So…. It’s been a while since I wrote. And we lost a month in between. I’m gonna try to catch up and explain.

Firstly, we’re out of the frickin’ Fey Wilds! Yay! Secondly, we’re heros in Zemnia. Thirdly… we’re on our way to catch up with Wisps in some swamp or other.

Currently we’re on a cart and Fribie is driving so I can catch up with writing to you. He’s teaching me to drive horses! I’m going to have SO many skills you don’t have by the end of this holiday.

The magic that returned us to the material plane (I think that’s what Orlen said) messed with time. Only Gabbie and I recall what happened in the Fey Wilds AND we lost a month… but we’ve got a badly made plaque of us so people know how awesome we are!

So the reasons why we’re off to the Swamps east of Zemnia are three fold. We found a note that relates to a tabaxi matching Wisps description, and we were told by Orlan’s angel that Wisps is looking for a particular lady. So the first reason is that Wisps is there.

The second thing is that Telurious (or what ever his name is) is fairly certain the last artefact to find is in the swamps. He’s turning into quite the money giver! After paying us LOADS for finding the other artefacts and for the exploding ducks (just… don’t even ask), which Calibar <3 gave us the ‘official authenticity paperwork’ for, he then sorted out a cart for us all of our own! Ace!

And finally, the third thing, is that the Zemnian People’s Front (People’s Front of Zemnia) is suspected of running their operations from Lemsip (or wherever) and SOMEONE has to stop them. Turns out Lady Belarus isn’t who we thought and after raiding her home to rescue Silver (don’t ask) we found a LOAD of stuff related to altering one’s appearance. And the mechanical, skeleton, hulk-with-sword was made by the ZPF… PFZ.

So here we are, Gabbie, Norben, Fribs, Orlen and me: off to frickin’ save Zemnia. With a keg of beer I managed to blag… and a PORTABLE HOLE!!! OMG! It’s the BEST!!! Gabbie built us a table, not sure why, I think he was bored and so it’s in the hole ready to go. I just adore Calibar’s shop.

So that’s where we’re at. Currently we’re discussing how we’re going to get into Lemsip as tensions are high with politics after the palace in Zemnia blew us and killed the king. We’re thinking ‘group of bounty hunters’ – regardless, it’ll be fun!


P.S. Princess thingie is VERY cute and she’s fine.

P.P.S. When the McMasons are so rich we have a restaurant chain I’m totally hiring you to do nothing but look pretty and do push-ups for my amusement.